Tips from the Queen of Darkness

That title is a total joke. I don’t have enough facial piercings to be the queen of darkness. But I have been going to a lot of metal concerts lately, which I absolutely love. People are sometimes surprised to find that I like metal independently of my husband. It’s often assumed that he drags me to concerts and I go to be supportive, but I’d go w/out him! Even if the acoustics are bad (why do people think warehouses are the perfect buildings to convert into concert venues?!), it’s excellent people watching. Some food for thought before your next metal concert…

  1. Wear closed toe shoes. I made the mistake of wearing some seriously cute peep toe flats to an Opeth concert once, and almost lost a toe nail when standing too near the mosh pit. You will get stepped on. It’s inevitable.
  2. Think twice about wearing high heels. I know they make your butt look good (at least they make my butt look good), but you are about to stand on a cement floor for several hours, trying to keep your balance w/in a surge of really excited metal heads. Don’t be so mean to your feet. Also, it’s usually pretty dark so nobody can see your great butt anyway. I like to rock converse or flat boots with gel inserts, because I am middle aged at heart.
  3. Mind the mosh pit. If you want to be in there, get in there! But if you don’t, it’s a little frightening when you suddenly are. Ad and I agree that 2-3 rows behind the mosh pit is ideal. Close enough to sense the danger, but not close enough to feel the pain. I like to station myself slightly behind a fairly large not drunk dude who shows no inclination towards moshing. This means if someone comes flying towards him, he’s big enough and sober enough to push them back w/out first falling backwards onto me.
  4. Consider ear plugs. I know it’s super cool to go deaf at a young age, but just know that if you do, you will be one of the most annoying people in the nursing home because talking to you will be impossible.
  5. Don’t wear anything that you don’t want beer spilled on. Self explanatory I think.
  6. Drink enough water. Headbanging is a sweaty business, and ventilation in concert venues is sometimes seriously lacking. A metal concert is probably one of the least fun places to get a head ache caused by dehydration.
  7. You’re never too old. I saw a guy with a walker at a Red Fang concert, and boy was he having a good time. And nobody minded! Nobody even noticed. He was happy to be there, and everyone else was happy to have him there.
  8. Which brings me to the last and most important point. No judging. People go to metal concerts to have a seriously good time. They dress the way they really want to, and they dance in whatever way makes them feel the best. And sometimes it all looks a little ridiculous – but that’s fine! No snide comments or eye rolling or mean spirited laughter allowed. Thankfully metal heads are a chill and respectful crowd, so I’ve seen very little of this.

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An extra tip for any single ladies attracted to bearded men – THIS IS YOUR ZONE. The ratio of women to bearded men is strongly in your favor.

4 thoughts on “Tips from the Queen of Darkness

  1. very interesting. I’ll keep all that in mind for when a metal concert comes to the greater Nauvoo area. (I’m going to a baroque concert at Lyco College on Sunday, but those tips don’t seem to apply).

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